The Italian wedding test

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me, ...it was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else
One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'
I was stunned and remained frozen as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door and headed straight towards my car.
That was also when I noticed my entire future family standing outside, cheering!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

And the moral of this story? ...Always keep your condoms in your car!

Keep your energy level high, eat Italian bread.

Two guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat Italian bread every day. It keeps my energy level high and have great stamina with the ladies."
On the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the woman behind the counter asked if he needed any help.
"Do you have any Italian bread?" he asked.
"Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"
"I want 5 loaves."
"My goodness, 5 loaves?" She questioned, and explained, "By the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard."
Amazed, the 80 year old replyed, "I can't believe it, everybody knows about this shit but me!"

!

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